Bless Us, O Lord, and These Thy Rifts
You know that old saying, "You really find out who your friends are when..."
You're sick or
You're moving?
Well, the newest lesson I've been learning is that you really find out who your friends are when
you're getting DIVORCED.
At the beginning of my divorce process, someone told me, "Yea, divorce is awful! I don't know why more people don't die of a stroke in the course of a divorce."
I thought she was exaggerating.
Now I know she was telling the truth.
In divorce you lose family from the other side. A close friend of mine who is also in the process of a divorce tells me, "Well, THAT'S not always a bad thing!"
Maybe in some cases it isn't, but I have lots of people on the "other side" that I have not stopped grieving, and don't know if I ever will.
Another friend tells me that she will be happy to "Never have to pick up her husband's undees and socks EVER again." Amen, sistah!
(Don't even happily married women all wish for this - especially when they are on the floor next to the hamper?)
I personally have experienced being treated like a leper just based on the fact that I am actually getting a divorce; even though those people never lived in my home or ever walked in my shoes.
This is an amazing thing to me - the judgments placed on one for their decisions or beliefs. I suppose my lesson in this is that I've done that to others in my life at one time or another - probably many - and I can promise myself and you that I won't do that again. I've been on the receiving end of that now, and it's not pretty.
I have come to find out that there really is a silent "Divorce" club out there. Those clubs are dissected by "Amicable", "Bad" and "Jerry Springer-Worthy." Everyone I've met who has been divorced nods their head and says, "Oh, divorce, yeah. Hell. Pure hell." (You are now in this club and you all nod your heads with that knowledge that only other divorced people understand).
Most people I speak with tell me that aside from the process of separating from spouses, it's the loss of friends that is the hardest to take. People take sides in the teams of Amicable, Bad, and Jerry Springer-Worthy. It's really horrible. Those you think won't care about your separation do, those you think will care don't. Then there will always be your die-hard supporters and champions who never, ever, ever quit on you. They're still there, holding you up, cheering for you. That's a blessing.
It's quite a lesson.
And then I think to myself, "Well, those that care and judge you really weren't your friends, after all, were they?"
After I chew on that little bit of wisdom, I think, "Dammit, they sure had me fooled! I'd better, in this new life, make better acquaintances!"
Mostly, friends tell me that they come to know a new side of themselves. The side they never new existed, or the parts they gave up in order to please their spouse, their children, their religion.
Either way you cut it, it's a heart-wrenching process. The only winners are usually the lawyers. (And much like cops or the Coast Guard, you don't want them following your car/boat, but heck if you're in trouble, hopefully you have a good one close by!)
So, stripped of a few "acquaintances" I really probably shouldn't have had anyway, I still hold my head high.
As a close friend of mine said, "Wipe the blood off your pretty little face and keep on going." She's a real friend. A champion, a sister. She, like all the rest still on "my team" remain real and true. My stress is lightening, (as is my wallet), and I know I'll be okay. My friends have "got my back."
As for the people I thought were my friends that weren't: So sorry you had to put yourself in the middle, and have fun picking up those socks and undees!
Cheerth!
You're sick or
You're moving?
Well, the newest lesson I've been learning is that you really find out who your friends are when
you're getting DIVORCED.
At the beginning of my divorce process, someone told me, "Yea, divorce is awful! I don't know why more people don't die of a stroke in the course of a divorce."
I thought she was exaggerating.
Now I know she was telling the truth.
In divorce you lose family from the other side. A close friend of mine who is also in the process of a divorce tells me, "Well, THAT'S not always a bad thing!"
Maybe in some cases it isn't, but I have lots of people on the "other side" that I have not stopped grieving, and don't know if I ever will.
Another friend tells me that she will be happy to "Never have to pick up her husband's undees and socks EVER again." Amen, sistah!
(Don't even happily married women all wish for this - especially when they are on the floor next to the hamper?)
I personally have experienced being treated like a leper just based on the fact that I am actually getting a divorce; even though those people never lived in my home or ever walked in my shoes.
This is an amazing thing to me - the judgments placed on one for their decisions or beliefs. I suppose my lesson in this is that I've done that to others in my life at one time or another - probably many - and I can promise myself and you that I won't do that again. I've been on the receiving end of that now, and it's not pretty.
I have come to find out that there really is a silent "Divorce" club out there. Those clubs are dissected by "Amicable", "Bad" and "Jerry Springer-Worthy." Everyone I've met who has been divorced nods their head and says, "Oh, divorce, yeah. Hell. Pure hell." (You are now in this club and you all nod your heads with that knowledge that only other divorced people understand).
Most people I speak with tell me that aside from the process of separating from spouses, it's the loss of friends that is the hardest to take. People take sides in the teams of Amicable, Bad, and Jerry Springer-Worthy. It's really horrible. Those you think won't care about your separation do, those you think will care don't. Then there will always be your die-hard supporters and champions who never, ever, ever quit on you. They're still there, holding you up, cheering for you. That's a blessing.
It's quite a lesson.
And then I think to myself, "Well, those that care and judge you really weren't your friends, after all, were they?"
After I chew on that little bit of wisdom, I think, "Dammit, they sure had me fooled! I'd better, in this new life, make better acquaintances!"
Mostly, friends tell me that they come to know a new side of themselves. The side they never new existed, or the parts they gave up in order to please their spouse, their children, their religion.
Either way you cut it, it's a heart-wrenching process. The only winners are usually the lawyers. (And much like cops or the Coast Guard, you don't want them following your car/boat, but heck if you're in trouble, hopefully you have a good one close by!)
So, stripped of a few "acquaintances" I really probably shouldn't have had anyway, I still hold my head high.
As a close friend of mine said, "Wipe the blood off your pretty little face and keep on going." She's a real friend. A champion, a sister. She, like all the rest still on "my team" remain real and true. My stress is lightening, (as is my wallet), and I know I'll be okay. My friends have "got my back."
As for the people I thought were my friends that weren't: So sorry you had to put yourself in the middle, and have fun picking up those socks and undees!
Cheerth!
Comments