Seen from the Dating Scene

*JUST A NOTE - Cranky Chronicles has been shut down because I have been back at college for the past year and finally graduated in June. (Now I have something besides being a windbag to contribute to the world). There was too much studying and no time to blow off steam blogging; there's so much to write about as a forty-eight year old attending school again, but I'm saving that material for later. For now, I had a topic in mind, and am starting off my Chronicles again, getting my feet wet, getting back into the swim of things slowly. I hope you enjoy my foray back into the writing scene. No matter what, I benefit from the release of too many thoughts swimming around in my brain, so of course, if you don't like it, you're free to not read it. Isn't it great to have a choice? 
And away we go....

SEEN FROM THE DATING SCENE

My friend convinced me to try Plenty of Fish.

For those of you not familiar, Plenty of Fish, or POF, is a pretty popular free dating site.

I didn't want to do it. Just last year, I wrote a blog post about dating sites, and spoke of profile photos of men holding big fish, sitting in the driver's seat of their cars, or standing in front of their cars. All of this done with the thought of attracting women.

Nothing has changed from a year ago. 

It's my guess that some guys think that photos of them with big mouth bass or dead deer are what turn women on; those men need to know that that's what turns MEN on, not women (at least not any women I know).  When I see a man's profile filled with fish pics, I say, "Fishing widow. No thanks." Sorry, I just don't see that as "Wow, I'll get to eat lots of free fish!" Not my thing.

So, I signed on. Reluctantly. First I had to show pictures of myself looking good. I'm always behind the camera, so that's not easy.  Plus, I'm a Mommy, so I'm often looking like I've been cleaning the house or folding laundry. Fortunately, I had recently been at a wedding and had photos of me looking pretty darn good. The photos were current, I was smiling, all was good with the world, so I used those.

Then I had to write a bio. How do you write a resume for a potential date or mate? I didn't go on there and see what other women wrote; it didn't occur to me. I'm not every other woman, so I needed to be authentic. Well, sadly, I'm "in your face" authentic - to my detriment, apparently. Honesty is NOT the best policy on line, I'm thinking. (I've learned). But heck, I wanted these guys to know who they'd be dealing with so they wouldn't be shocked. That's fair, right?

I started out by telling everyone I was a spaz and a klutz and blind as a bat, but funny. I told them I was divorced, gave them my true age, told them I had wrinkles, hated working out, and had young kids. I then asked men NOT to reply to my ad if they weren't in to dating a woman my age with young kids. I said, "Hey, I get it - I'm old with young kids, and most guys my age are done raising rugrats and into doing things for themselves. I respect that, so feel free if you fit that description to move on." I also said I didn't drink, didn't smoke, or do drugs. I said I didn't mind if they drank, as long as it was rare or socially, but drugs and smoking were out.

I got lots of replies.

One guy I agreed to meet for coffee with was completely plastered with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth when we met.

Another guy was drunk and stunk of pot (he had a green card for medical marijuana), and said I was a "cool chick" and maybe "we could just sell your kids cuz you're really cool, but the kids gotta go."

Seriously, I'm not kidding.

One guy looked absolutely nothing like his photo; but I forgave that. Turns out he didn't want anything to do with kids either, and drank like a fish anyway.

The one normal man I met was kind, interesting, easy to talk to on the phone. Sadly, in person, there was no chemistry or spark for either one of us. I forgot how that felt - it had been so long since I'd really "dated" that I hated telling that nice guy that it just didn't work for me. He was wonderful about it, and out of it, I may have made a new friend at least. Thank God he proved there were still gentlemen left in the world.

I also got lots of con men who were interested. These were people pretending to be soldiers stationed in some foreign country who profess their love in the second email, then ask for money. Wow. Like I am that stupid or that desperate.(NOT YET).

Why am I telling you this? Because after some 20 plus years of not living in the dating world, the world has changed. Everyone is wired for sound, and your profile is out there. Anything is up for grabs, and every whacko out there is looking for someone, and they might target you. Dating on line introduces you to people available (and no, not everyone is crazy or desperate), but we have so much going on that it seems no one has time to go out and have that fateful moment where your eyes meet with someone else's across the room and BAM! There's Mr. or Miss Right! Now you post a picture, write a resume, and weed through varied levels of crazy.

In the two month experiment of selling my profile on line, I met a total of five people in person. I am pen pals at this time with two men I haven't met, and have met one that was actually very interesting.  If nothing else, I am sure we will be good friends - I might be a bit much for the poor guy - I tend to overwhelm with honesty. No mystery here. That's my "edge." That's why I'm alone!

I liked the experience of seeing how many people out there are actually "looking" - this means I'm not alone. The truth is, I'd love to find someone that is my "special someone" who I love to be with and who I can have fun with. Who doesn't want that? But I know one thing for sure...I have the right to be picky, and I have the right not to ever settle for less than I deserve or want. Lots of us are in the same boat...we've been broken hearted and are ready to find out if what my mom once told me is really true - "There are plenty of fish in the sea."  (Yes, mom, but you forgot to mention the eels, squid, and bottom feeders as well as the prize tunas and much sought after halibut). It's all a matter of taste; and really, if it's time to meet your match, you will. (I believe it really does usually happen though, when you are NOT looking). 

So yes, I'm off the (fish) market. I've done my time on line, and in the world of e-dating. I'll be open to the universe sending the right person at the right time if it's meant to be. I think I'll go with that. I always stunk at fishing anyway. Even though I did it as a kid, I baited my own hook, but I hated it. Just gross. Sometimes I caught seaweed, sometimes eels. When I actually caught the fish I wanted, I certainly NEVER cleaned it - that was just disgusting - that's why I had a brother.

So, I had to give up fishing for sport then, and I'm giving it up now. Funny how history repeats itself.

(Oh, and my friend who convinced me to try it out? She stopped fishing too. We both decided that our chances of catching seaweed were greater than attracting the halibut. We're just not the right bait for what's out there. Our fishing poles are now in the garbage can, and we refuse to be chum anymore).
I think I'll stick with steak and chicken. They say it's easy to meet men in the grocery store now a days, but it's yet to happen to me. Most likely I'll end up meeting Mr. Right in an ambulance as I'm taken away from breaking my foot from falling over a rock in my yard. (Remember, I'm a klutz and blind as a bat). Maybe a firefighter? Oh, wait, I already wrote a blog about that. Nevermind.

Cheers!