Running the Country of "Me"

Learning to ask for and accept help...                   

I have got nothing to say on this subject.

Except...I don't do that.

And...I'm trying to learn.

And, it's fine to suffer in silence, alone, feeling like "Queen of the World" and knowing I, as "Queen", can accomplish any and all things I need in my Queendom without help, (of course!) I mean, how did I get to be Queen if I couldn't do it all? Queen = Head Honcho, Big Cheese, CEO, Head Muckey-muck. (By the way, for the sake of this post, in my Queendom, I did not "inherit" this throne by birth. Of course, in my made-up Royal world, I crowned myself, because I deserved it.)

So, my "minions" are four and eight, and they're fun to have around, but they can't "help" me very much. I mean, the Princess is the "Royal Tantrum Thrower", so that job is filled, and my son, the Prince, is the "Royal Miss-the-Toilet-Bowl Guy." As Queen, I become "Keeper of the Tantrums" and "Cleaner of Toilets" and it's all covered. (Literally). But still, this Queen admits there are things she just might (maybe, kinda) need help with. But I'm scared to ask. Because, what if a Royal Friend says "No?" I'm the Queen! Not only am I embarrassed, but I am surely telling myself, "See, dumb Queenie! Shouldn'a asked! Told you so!"

Asking for help is foreign to me; yet, I'm willing to help almost anyone with almost anything. Queen Maureen does not feel deserving of the same thing she'd easily offer to do for someone else. This is a problem. It is a growing pain.

Recently, when I moved into my new Castle, many Royal Friends offered moving help, packing help, unpacking help - WHATEVER. These were very kind and very genuine offers of help. I knew this. But I smiled, said "Thank you soooo much, but I'm FINE!" Then I ran as far as I could so as not to actually say, "Thank you sooooo much, can you be at my house at  ____pm because I REALLY WOULD LOVE TO HAVE SOMEONE HELP ME PACK MY KITCHEN!" Why did I do this? Because I am a chicken Queen. Queen of the Chickens. "What does it mean if I accept help? Do I owe something in return? Does it mean I am somehow "unable" to accomplish things I used to be able to accomplish all those times before when I was a younger Queen? Have I aged myself out of the Queen job description?" These are things that go through my feeble mind. Do I (gasp!) actually NEED other people?????

So, the Royal Joker, (I'll call him God for short), decided it was time I learned this lesson of asking for help if I was to continue to reign from my throne of loneliness, denial and stubbornness, and be a good example to the Prince and Princess. The Joker decided that in order to learn this lesson, He conjured up a reason for me, the Queen, to have to ask for help. "An injury ought to do it," HE said. So, He said it, and it was so. I was injured because I moved virtually all by myself and did not accept help. Thus I "overdid" in a big way, and was therefore  sentenced to bed rest and Physical Therapy. I had to ask people, uh, I had to call people to go...oh, wait! I didn't ask anyone for anything! Instead, Royal Friends came out of the woodwork and said, "What do you need? Do you need groceries? Do you need someone to watch your kids? What can we get you?" I said, "Thank you, I'm just FINE." (Because at the time, I was too busy worrying about whether or not I'd be well enough to mow my lawn myself, and was weighing whether or not the lawn mower was too heavy for me to push - maybe I could weed-whack the yard instead of mow - it's lighter, easier, and besides! I wouldn't be stuck asking for help!) You see, I will be sainted, because, I am a Martyr type of Queen. I CAN DO IT ALL, even with an injury from doing it ALL before! I'm invincible!

This is how my mind works. Really. I am stressed about how to mow my lawn in a day or so. And I'm not allowed to mow it. Period. But, it seems like Rocket Science. Really. Here goes my head:

I could ask a friend (but mowing someone's lawn is torture to lots of people, so no, that won't work). I'm just gonna have to find someone to pay to mow my lawn until I have doctor's clearance to do so. Ugggh, hopefully I won't need a contract for lawn care services, that would stink..Surely my injury will be done when I want it to be done/healed! .Hmmmm. Could I really ask a friend? Do friends do that to FRIENDS-ask them to take an hour of their time to mow a lawn that isn't theirs? What is the language of "helping?" Maybe in other Queendoms and Kingdoms in worlds far away this happens, but in The Country of Me, I can't quite speak that language yet.

I'm sure that now that I've put this problem out there, The Royal Joker will figure something out to help me learn. Maybe He will send me some goats so I don't have to actually ask PEOPLE to commit to helping me, then I won't have to be grateful, and the Queendom can go on, just as it is, self-sustaining, with a few extra goats to feed. Wait, maybe the castle isn't zoned for goats...I'd better think about this some more. There's alot to this "thinking about asking for help THEN accepting it." I need to do some more studying on the matter before I make my Royal ruling.

Whaddya think? 

Should I check with Oprah? Consumer Reports? HELP ME!!!!!! I Gotta figure this one out!

Cheerth!