Piggies, Birdies, and Other Old and Proven Reasons Why You Should NEVER Leave Your Home...

Is anyone else here sick of the Swine Flu yet?

(Not sick FROM the flu - sick OF all the reporting about the flu!)

I fear if we keep watching the news, we will never leave home.

Here's our life in America - we now live in a place where "too much information" thrives.

Here are some really BRILLIANT "warnings" or known "rules" passed down for those of us too dumb to know better. For those of you in this category, you get a "sign" for your consideration to help you understand the "dangers" we face daily:

"No Littering."

"Cigarette smoking is dangerous to your health."

"If you are pregnant, drinking alcohol can damage the fetus"

"Do not drive or operate heavy machinery until you know how you will react to this medication."

"Use a condom. You can get VD or DIE if you don't. (Don't have to tell ME twice!)

"Slippery When Wet." (Really?)

"Employees Must Wash Hands After Using the Restroom Facilities." (THIS IS VERY SCARY. If they don't know to wash their hands after they use the toilet, they shouldn't be working with food - or at all, for that matter).

"Don't drive drunk." (Lots of folks still don't get this one, amazingly).

According to the news on any given day: 

If we do leave home, we may contract 1. Swine Flu, 2. Bird Flu, or 3. any other deadly "disease of the moment", that the network news happens to be creating panic over.

Don't dare fly; you might 1. crash 2. crash and burn 3. make a successful water landing (if you're lucky - and you might even get a book deal out of it!) 4. contract swine flu on the plane with that horrid recycled "plane air", which, by the way, everyone knows is full of recycled bacteria.

If we drive, some bridge we are driving on somewhere will fall into the water below, or, better yet, a tunnel might collapse on your head while you're driving under it because they hired the lowest bidder to design and build the damn thing.

Don't take a cruise, you might 1. be kidnapped by pirates 2. get Roto virus from cruise ship food 3. get dumped overboard (mysteriously) on your honeymoon.

Don't go on vacation anywhere. You might be caught in a storm surge, an avalanche, a skiing accident, a train derailment, a volcanic explosion, hurricane, or a ferry boat accident.

Last but not least, be sure to be wary of serial killers, ebola viruses, and terrorists (this includes both the foreign and the domestic kind). 

There will always be child kidnappers, pedophiles, and bullies. 

Rapists are rampant, as are burglars and car jackers, pick-pockets, muggers, swindlers and con-artists, as well as arsonists, junkies and drunks.

By the way, make sure you don't piss off another driver or give them "the finger" on the road, because he or she might shoot you or crash into you on purpose because they have "road rage."

Guess what? I've got kids. This crap doesn't scare me! Because of that, I'm not staying home, EVER. Sometimes I've gotta get out of here because I might go "stir crazy."  Come to think of it, how come they never report that on the news? "Moms all over the country are going stir crazy; this is soon to be a National problem; a Pandemic. For the complete story, tune into NBC NEWS AT 11:00."

Swine flu be damned! This mom will not be intimidated by you! 

I've stopped watching TV altogether. I'm afraid they'll tell me that the food I just ate has been recalled for E Coli, and I haven't got the stomach for that.

Cheers!