His Reality Vs. Mine: Clean Car = You Just Don't Know How to Live!
Miracle of all miracles has occurred! My husband, "Mr. Anal Clean Car Guy of the Century" took my kids hiking up a mountain called Tiger Mountain yesterday. He "let" me stay home alone. (Miracle #1).
Miracle #2? He actually packed food to take with them for the trip! Can I believe my eyes? No, I think, I must be a bit mad with the swine flu buggie, maybe, right?
Well, he packs a "lunch" of granola bars, bottled water and juice cups. Off they go, boots and all.
Three hours later they are back. Toddler is asleep, so she is removed from said "truck of cleanliness" and tossed on the couch; young son is bopping all over the place, thrilled to have actually "hiked" and the highlight of the trip? "Seeing duck butts!" Yes, near a small body of water, ducks were, well, "ducking" for food below the water, and their "butts" were just pointing skyward for all to see. (DuckButt is now the new "dirty word" in our home).
During their adventure, I strip and make three beds, throw in 4 loads of laundry and begin to pay bills and take care of insurance issues. They come in as I am finishing up three hours of "Mommy Quiet Time." (Yea, right!)
Unbelievable miracle #3? Husband stops all things he is doing and says, "I need a 1/2 hour. I've got to vacuum out my car from all the crumbs these kids got all over the place."
Okay, I'm stupefied! He's actually gonna stop, like RIGHT NOW to clean his car? Wow, that must have been an awful mess! You see, hubby has a rule - NO EATING IN DADDY'S CAR!
I look out the window. I see he lifts the hatchback up. He vacuums out the back, and only the back. "Hmmmmmmmm," I think for a second. "Ahhhh, I get it. They didn't actually eat in the car in their car seats! They ate when the car was at a full stop. Which is when he made them get out of their seats and sit in the back of the truck, hatchback open, legs hanging out. It was too good to be true." I say this as I must link you back to a previous blog post rant from March that I did, and you will know why this is 1. so upsetting and 2. incredibly stupid men-type-mentality and 3. DUUUUUMMMMMMMBBBBB thinking!
Like we women, who have WAAAAAY TOO MUCH SH*T TO DO CAN IMMEDIATELY RUN OUT AND DUST BUST OUR CARS! NOW WOULDN'T THAT BE THE LIFE!
Someone absolutely has to puke in my car to make me clean it. That's how dirty my car is. And I'm proud of that. Why, that certifies motherhood. Having a dirty mini-van means I am in the club of hard-working, well-traveled women.
What does husband's car say about him?
Anal, yet lost in reality of what life is vs what he thinks life is with kids.
Stay tuned, hubby. New lessons to be learned coming up soon!!!!!!!
I can't wait for the day that I can do to his car what Jack Lemmon did to Walter Matthau's car in "Grumpier Old Men." Dropped dead fish in there to rot AND a let loose a hungry cat with claws on the new leather interior!
It's my dream, but I'm sticking to it.... : )
Comments
Okay! I got your curosity and now your further interest. You just can't wait to see what this could possibly be. You are thing...OK?, Now what is Clarice thinking and up to this time? Are you sure you really want to know? Positive?
Well, here goes...you are that the point of no return.
Go to a hunting supply store. Dick's or Bass Pro-Shop...if they are not available and you can't find another sporting good store, then shop on-line but be careful here as it can be tracked. Just purchase a bottle of "scent". It comes in all kinds of "fragrances". Fox urine would be especially nice....there is scent for luring in lions, tigers and bears, OH MY! Well I actually don't know about the Lions and tigers but there are all kinds of scents to choose from.
NOW...remember YOU and the KIDS just might have to ride along in this vehicle at a later date and keep in mind just a little of this stuff goes a v-e-r-y long way.
OR as I heard one time when a husband wanted a divorce because of wanted to marry his girlfriend. The wife wanted the house but didn't get it.the husband did. So, the X- wife upon moving out of the home stuffed raw shrimp and other seafood pieces into the curtain rods and other unlikely places. In the end she got the house because the new couple couldn't get rid of the odor.