Oh, Those Heartbreaking Sea Monkeys!
I cannot believe it.
They live!
Of course I'm talking about the Sea Monkeys on my kitchen window sill!
Just like the nostalgic toys I have now purchased for my kids (because I liked them) - including my Bozo the Clown punching bag I had and the Pebbles Flintstone Knickerbocker doll I never got, I had to finish off my collection of "Toys Maureen Never Got."
In 1970, I found an add for REAL LIFE SEA MONKEYS in the back of a comic book. I begged and pleaded with my mother to purchase these "amazing instant pets" that you could "teach to do tricks." I wanted these as badly as I wanted a Pebbles Flintstone doll. Mom told me to "Wait for Christmas" for the Pebbles doll, but she did let me order the Sea Monkeys.
(see link with video if you are unfamiliar with these AMAZING creatures.)
The ad for the Sea Monkeys had a picture of a little monkey-looking-seahorse-wearing-a-crown-type-guy on the it. In my mind, I saw me feeding them, teaching them to swim in circles, and they would be my friends. After all, I had a younger brother and a new baby sister in the house, I needed a friend!
The Sea Monkey kit came, and I was thrilled! All you had to do was prep the tap water for a day, put the amazing packet of "freeze dried" and "preserved" monkeys in the water, and Voila! In a few days I would have my lovely little pets! I know that 1970 was a long time ago, and my memory is not too clear from way back then, but all I remember now is my mother telling me "It didn't work." I was heartbroken. A pet lost before it was even un-freeze-dried! Now that is some bad luck, right?
Flash forward to Christmas, 2008. I was shopping in a mall where they had "nostalgic" toys. Next to the "Rock em Sock em Robots" I found Sea Monkeys! "Yes! I will buy them for my SON!" I told myself. He will love them and I will make it so they grow and he can train them and I will live my dream through him! "Yes! Finally I will be able to give life to the monkeys-I-should-have-had, and life will be complete!"
Josh had never heard of Sea Monkeys, but he's a good kid and heck, any gift is still a gift, so, "Thanks, Mom!"
We fill up the tank with water at 78 degrees and pour in some sort of stuff to purify the water that comes in the kit. We let it sit overnight. The next day, we open another small packet and pour in those poor, freeze-dried monkeys, just waiting to be born. In a few days, we actually SEE miniscule dots - wait - are they swimming? Wow! Yes! WE HAVE SEA MONKEY BABIES!
I am thrilled and amazed. My childhood dream is being realized now. I call my friend Sabrina back in Maryland and say, "Wow, I actually have Sea Monkey babies!" Sabrina says, "What are Sea Monkeys?" I almost die...I mean, she is my age; SURELY she knows what Sea Monkeys are! But, no! Sabrina says, "Honey, you forgot I grew up in Italy. I never heard of a Sea Monkey!" "Oh My God," I say, "You poor child! Never heard of Sea Monkeys?" She said, "I'm gonna go look them up on the web." She calls me back the next day. She says, "Mo, are you kidding me? Those things are gross! Do you know they can live up to two years and that you can have LOTS and LOTS of them in one tank? I saw it on the web." I don't think about this. I was in my six-year-old mind from 1970. "Wow" I say. Suddenly, I realize what my mother probably realized. Let me see if I can read her "then" mind..."Yuk - a form of brine shrimp that multiply and keep multiplying and can live for two years? No F*#@*&g way!" I'm absolutely sure she flushed the packets, put the water in the tank, and let me watch nothing being born. Later, she showed sympathy at the loss of my poor, unborn friends. I can't ask her now, she's gone. But I am sure she did that - because if I knew my mom at all, she would have been totally grossed out at having to take care of these creatures that she knew would never be taught how to do somersaults or walk a water-tight-rope or whatever. Sometimes, our parents just have to let us figure things our for ourselves later so they don't have to suffer the consequences now.
I have the sea monkeys now, they actually grew. My son thinks they are waayyyy cool, but only looks at them when it is feeding time - every few days or so. I, on the other hand, fulfilled a dream, found out it wasn't a great dream after all. Now I find myself wanting to kill Sabrina for telling me how long they live. They sure don't do tricks, they are really, really, strange looking, and they do keep multiplying. Soon, I'll have to go to the website to buy more food that smells like powdered grass. I certainly can't flush a living thing down the toilet, but what the f#$% am I gonna do with these things? I mean, if they could do tricks, fine. But really, what purpose do they serve? Another dream ruined...this time, it is not my mother's fault. In fact, she let me have that "dream" all along. I only figured out the "reality" when I became 44. Thanks, Mom. But, on the other hand, hell, if she had just let me grow them in 1970, these damn things would have been HER problem, not mine!
Comments