Hooked on a Binky: How Do I Stop The Addiction?

We have Dora and Boots. We have purple, blue, yellow, orange, red, and glow-in-the-dark versions. The are everywhere: under beds, under pillows, in Tonka Truck cabs and sock drawers. Mostly, they are found in my daughter's mouth, hanging out, covered in dirt, old food, and sticky ice cream. Wherever "they"are you can count on there being a string of saliva and mumbled vocabulary as side effects of their usage.

"They" are Binkies, and I am highly addicted to them.

My name is Maureen, and I am a Binky Addict.

Well, my daughter is a tough nut to crack. She overpowers me with her stamina, and can out-cry me any time. She will be three in June, and she should REALLY NOT still have a binky hanging out of her mouth...but hey, it's working for me, and it is very soothing to my nerves.

I mean, I know I'm walking around saying to anyone who looks at me funny when they see my kid with a bink hanging out, "Oh, yeah, I really HAVE to do something about That Binky!" Then I shake my head, give "that look" - this is the look of a weary mother, an older, more tired and most certainly a mom who is suffering the slings and arrows of the TERRIBLE TWOS - and I walk away hoping I've convinced these other moms to feel my pain, feel sorry for me. Sometimes the look I give is really sincere; other times, I do it for the benefit of friends and strangers just so they know that I know that maybe this binky thing has gone on a little too long.

I just can't help it.  I don't have the strength at this time to take it away, to give it up.

I realize that this is one of those things that you must be proactive about. I've never been one of those moms who reads all the books and actually has a plan for the raising of a kid. I am absolutely flying by the seat of my pants, and guess what? I'm still here, my kid is still here, and, well, The Binky is keeping us both happy. My daughter having her binky is just a symbol or a symptom of what my life looks like now: I am disorganized, tired, and just trying to get through the day with no boo boos, lots of love and hugs, and a little less stress.

Does that make me a bad mom? I don't think so. It makes me a tired mom who, in terms of priorities at the present moment, isn't ready to give up THE BINK. 

Wow! I said it! I actually admitted it here, on my blog post, for all the world to see! Wow! 

I feel so free now! 

Step One: We admitted that we were powerless over binkies, that our lives had become unmanageable!

Wait - no! My life is not unmanageable as long as I/she/we have THE BINKY!

That's right - go ahead and judge me, Other Moms! I'm ready! 

My pediatrician told me, "Don't worry, no one ever walks down the aisle wearing a binky!"

Wait - no! That was "Don't worry, no one ever walks down the aisle wearing diapers!" 

DAMN! 

Oh, and speaking of diapers, and potty training, my almost-three-year-old is still wearing pull-ups! Does THIS make me a bad mom? No, I don't think so. It just means I'm too damn tired from fighting about THE BINKY to even tackle THE POTTY. I'm lazy.

Fortunately, my toddler is smart enough to have figured out that if Mom is not proactive, toddler must do this for herself. So, she has trained herself at least to poop on the potty, (peeing takes a little more effort), but she's getting the hang of it. 

I see this as a team effort. An exercise based on the scientific question: Can a child in the suburbs, left to her own devices, actually train herself to poop, pee, wash dishes and get herself ready for school?

Only time will tell. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes. If it works, I'll write a scientific paper on the subject and get it published in medical journals and parenting magazines everywhere! Just imagine! Moms everywhere can sit back, relax, and let their kids do all the work and raise themselves! 

DAMN! 

Come to think of it, this is not new thinking! My mother already figured this out in 1964 and let me raise myself! (Man, she was ahead of her time, wasn't she?)

Either way you look at it, if I live long enough, my kid just might eventually have to potty train me, or at least change MY diapers. I figure I'm just being fair and giving her a taste of what her life just might be like later! This is what parents are supposed to do: Prepare their kids for the future!

Well, I gotta run. I need to "hide" the Binkys just to make Toddler think I'm serious about her giving them up. No reason for her to know that I need The Binky as much as she does! That really takes the fun out of learning, doesn't it?